Job #1 for Parents

Author: Mark Fenstermacher
September 03, 2021

I’ve heard young parents (and some older) sag under the pressure of trying to be the perfect parent. A friend who is an attorney in another city posted a cry of exhaustion after trying to do it all: not miss any of her kids’ special events while she built a legal practice; meals always well balanced, on-time and tasty; tracking homework while getting people around for bath time, and having enough energy for story time before lights out. Then, before the sun was up the next day, getting herself up and dressed for work, making the lunches, laying out the clothes, etc.

It’s a lot.

This isn’t going to be some article about the 7 habits of highly effective parents or 3 steps to being a level-5 parent. Many parents already feel like they don’t get enough things right. We don’t need another long “to do” list, do we?

Here is what I want to tell all parents:

• You are never going to do it perfectly. You just aren’t. None of us ever do and none of us ever have. Joseph, the father of Jesus, lost his boy in Jerusalem and it took he and Mary three days—three days!—to find their 12-year old. You’re not going to get it right all the time. Please know that. Give yourself some grace. Do your best each day, and then hand that day to God and move on.
• Second, put your phone down. I was at the beach not long ago and the number of young families with their faces in their phones while their young children played in the water and the sand was heart-breaking. Put down your phone. Be as fully present with your child as you can be (and, yes, it is a good thing to have your own time!).
• Third, love your child. If there is some kind of anger or resentment buried deep in us about the presence of a child in our life, our child will know it. Kids have this way of seeing through us. Even when we are trying to cover that inside bad stuff up with smiles and a soft voice. Whatever might be getting in the way of you loving your child, cherishing them, deal with it and then let the love flow!
• Fourth, introduce your child to God and God’s love in Christ. This is, I believe, Job #1 for a parent. Our love for our children is so important but it is not enough. You, whether your like it or not, are the primary messenger who—through actions and words—will help your child know the God who created them in love and showed that love for them by dying on a cross. How do you do that?
• Model prayer. It can be simple and short, but pray at meal times and at bedtime.
• Model stewardship. Someone told me the other day their father made sure the whole family saw him write the weekly check to God (via the church). Help your kids learn that giving = living.
• Model worship. Be faithful about that. If you’re not there, they know it doesn’t matter. If you are there, sitting by their side, engaged, they know it matters.
• Model growth. Keep making new discoveries with God. Let them see you grow! Stay engaged with a small group or Bible study.
• Model love. Love for God and love for all people. Don’t talk about love for all people in worship and then be unloving towards your neighbor, the person in traffic, and the troublesome family member.

Job #1 for a parent is to do what they can to introduce their child to God.

Matt Fitzgerald, the pastor at St. Paul’s UCC in Chicago, recently wrote (Christian Century, June 30, 2021) about the time when he was ten years old. His parents had taken he and his older sister to Ocqueoc Falls in Northern Michigan. Matt’s older sister dove in, their dad gave a shout and jumped in after her, and then looked back to wave Matt into the water.

The ten year old stayed on the river bank. His father looked irritated, briefly, and then he saw the shame on Matt’s face. In just a moment, the father’s face took on a gentle look and Matt’s dad said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here.” Then he came over, picked the ten year old up, and carried him out into the waterfall. They leaned into the turbulence. Matt remembers clinging to his father.

The cold water roared and foamed, but Matt’s dad held him tightly. The boy knew he was safe in his father’s arms. Matt could not hear his father’s laughter over the roar of the falling water, but he could feel the laughter.

Being a parent means helping our children walk into the beauty and turbulence of life. But being a parent is more than that: it is introducing them to One who made them in love, promised (Psalm 139 and Matthew 28) to always be with them, and who used a cross to reveal the power of His love. Helping our children trust the God who loves them, graces them with forgiveness, died on the cross for them, and will not let go of them even when the waters roar is the best thing we can do as a parent.

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What you do matters, as a parent.

I am praying for you and for the relationship you have with your child.

If we can ever help, or you need to talk with someone, let Pastor Nikki, Ally or me know.

Grace and peace,
Pastor Mark

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